May 222010
 

Before I say anything, I want to THANK all those lovely GALS, for your candid appreciations you people gave to me regarding my “No Entry” post. Nice to know that, you all changed your way of posing for camera and have a better decorum. I want you all to be as beautiFULL as possible. Stay young, Stay  fit, Stay naughty.

Back to business. ONE-SIN-a-while we come across things which goes far more embarrassing than we can ever imagine. Especially at our work places. So here I am going to narrate few of my classified experiences or ideas I have undergone while working in and around the office space.

There is this special period of time where we have lot of releases in project and managers come and speak the same stuff for each and every celebration. At this time we got a mail saying as “Sweets at my DESK” from one of our colleague for he is blessed with a baby boy. We all went to CONGRATULATE him and along the group came our Senior manager. He said “Good job Dev, keep up the momentum and the pendulum swinging, I am proud of you and company needs people like you”. We were all startled hearing these lines. There was a drop of silence in that cubicle. On top still not realizing the reason for the sweets he said, you should share your experience and do the knowledge transfer on this to all our team members. I was more than happy to attend that session in case it happens, but our immediate project manager whispered to that BigBoss saying, “This Dev is not that Dev, who won the customer appreciation award for his work”….beeeeeeeep went the alarm in everyone’s mind. 😛

Similar incident regarding child birth happened in one past project of mine. Hope I won’t get fired for writing this. This Manager is one workcoholic and almost he stays in office for 13-14 hrs excluding the travel time. Once he has sent a mail to the entire team saying that, “He is blessed with a baby boy, sharing this happy news with you all”. Now everyone is totally surprised as how can this happen..! And everyone was eager to see the baby, just for the reason by any remotest chance looks like that manager who is supposed to be its father as per the mail at least. But alas the baby looked more like its mother. Ask me no Questions I tell no lies. The doubt is still persisting.

This crazy incident happened recently. I cleared some certification and sent this mail “Sweets at my desk”. One girl who recently got married came for the sweets and the conversation went like this:
She : Congratulations.
Me  : Thank you. Have some sweets.
[She took the sweets and was searching for something else]
She : No namkeen*?? Oh no, I like SALTY stuff only. No sweets.
Me  : Oh yeah, you are MARRIED now, I can understand.
[For readers : Namkeen is hot n salty kind of Indian snacks]

I said this line in a way, as she is married and want to watch her weight, so no sweets.
But she took my line in a different way and BLUSHED, the reason which I don’t want to discuss here. She was happy anyway. So am I.

This incident I always keep sharing at any of my social gatherings. There was this project where to compile the code we need to make a folder with a name as “permanent” folder. So the name of the folder can vary as perm1, perm2 depending as per the compilation version. Some people use the first letter of their names for identification. For example I used to make it as Vperm1, Vperm2 etc. Once my onsite manager wanted to check some common permanent folder section and he opened the database. The whole database was consisting of folders named as Sperm1, Sperm2, Sperm3 as if we hacked into some Sperm bank. Nearly 25 people across different geographies were in that live net meeting and this folder was opened through the projector and the whole screen was full of Sperms with numbers assigned to them. Oops missed to tell you all, that folder belongs to one of our colleague whose name is Sagar and he used S as an identifier for his folders. It was an embarrassing situation to all the women and men who were attending that live meeting but my manager cracked a joke saying – Yeah now I can understand why we are 2nd largest in the population. Rest is history.

There were those times where we used to have a graffiti board before we enter our floor. Wherever there was any movie screening in our campus we used to write the movie name under the section FLICK OF THE WEEK. Once the situation happened such a way that, it went beyond explanation and embarrassed the whole tower. A print out with big fonts saying “FLICK OF THE WEEK – CLINT EASTWOOD”, was pasted on the footer end of the board due to lack of space anywhere else. Someone has dragged a chair to that board and the beading of the chair covered the last part of the script making it look as the below pic. That made the letters LI together started  looking like the letter U.

Now imagine how much crowd would have got gathered for that movie. Hope supersedes anything else. Add your comments and share your office/work related experiences with all our fellow readers.

Please share if any of your bone got TICKLED
Rating 4.53 out of 5
Jan 072010
 

The times goes way back into my kidhood days where my class teacher Rani was teaching us singular and plural. Teacher was asking us to tell her the plural forms of certain words from her notes. The sequence went like this:

Teacher : Charan tell me plural for lady?
Charan  : Plural for lady is Ladies teacher.
Teacher : Next. Pavan what is the plural for baby?
Pavan   : Babies teacher.
Teacher : Vijay now tell me what is the plural for party?
Vijay   : Parties teacher.
Teacher : Hey you Vineel, What is the plural for TEST?

And I have no idea what is the plural for TEST and as per the flow I immediately said TESTIS, in the same flow as how these guys sounded. I don’t know why she got so angry for my answer and she failed me giving an F in my progress report without telling the reason atleast. Being dumb at subjects but with an inquisitive mind I later came to know the meaning for that word in my intermediate when I first learnt how to read dictionary. After that I never stopped reading dictionary.

From that time onwards I was smitten and cursed by this letter F and was haunted by all of its words. To tell you few examples :

Recently I was at some party and I dropped my fork while eating a big lump of chapati and sabji. With food in my mouth I asked the serving waitress that I need a Fork. That perplexed waitress went and complained against me to the floor in-charge that I am using fowl language. I said FORK with mouthful of food. Whats wrong in that?

One more incident was way back in 2005 when I was in Stockholm before some extravaganza showroom. There was this big bill board with “FCUK” script being displayed. I thought it was a spelling mistake and asked the showroom manager why such a blunder. He showed his pity and educated me that it means “French Connection of United Kingdom” a notable designer brand. See this is what I am saying.

Another one goes with the recent pandemic that created havoc around he world. I was at the super market to buy some spices. Coz of the clustered aisle I sneezed. 4 people did two back flip somersault and landed away from me looking shit scared as if I forced them to a mouth to mouth respiration with me infected with Swine Flu. Come on..its just a normal Flu sneeze. Grrrrrr.

It was in Italy, standing before one monument where there are lots of short fountains shooting high up to the waist. All at floor level, no fence around and kids playing with water. While I was enjoying the scene, one kid bumped into me and pushed me unto the fountain. Instantly I wet my pants with that fountain water. As I turned around, one passer by lady said “the restroom is right over there and don’t teach stupid things to kids”. Though wetting myself over a Fountain might be my fantasy but not like this atleast. Oh come on..I hate F.

Because of all such chain of events all through I always kept myself away from all these F’actors. Like not watching my fav TV channel the FTV(okay except the midnight lingerie shows).. avoided Fountains..stopped using forks..stopped seeing 20th century FOX movies..and lot more.

When things are like this one of my friends invited me to his promotion party at this exotic lounge called “The F-bar”. I was thinking should I take chances or should I get used to this F’obia. I decided to go whatever. With some process running in my mind I was very careful all through enjoying the ambience and music. All of a sudden some gorgeous lady who is more heavy on the upper half of her body came to me and asked If I need a ^%$@&%$@…!! In that loud music and her western accent I couldn’t get what that something was and to my basic understand of English and its supported vocab I replied, “No no lady I don’t want any Frock. I don’t cross dress”. Immediately she called me a FOOL, showed me some F’inger and said FO. I still didn’t get what she meant by FO but all I know was she might be upset for not buying the Frock.

Thats how my life is as of now..and just yesterday night some Swami came in my dreams as said this will be broken on First night. I questioned him “Swami, recently Jan 1st got over and which month’s 1st night please tell me? That Swami screamed for my question and he also said FO and showed some finger. I think it is the finger he showed couldn’t make in that dream properly. Anyways me waiting for F’eb F’irst night. Pray for me.

Teacher : Charan tell me plural for lady?
Charan  : Plural for lady is Ladies teacher.
Teacher : Next. Pavan what is the plural for baby?
Pavan   : Babies teacher.
Teacher : Vijay now tell me what is the plural for party?
Vijay   : Parties teacher.
Teacher : Hey you Vineel, What is the plural for TEST?

Please share if any of your bone got TICKLED
Rating 4.50 out of 5