Jan 302010
 

STOP tricking your wicked brains reading the topic name. I am such a neat guy leading a decent life style. Please don’t drag me into your fixed thinking. I just love languages. Some I love, some I like. But nothing haunts me more than Hindi. I don’t know why, I always fall into a crazy situation when this language is concerned. This haunting had its unfair deal on me all through my stages of life in series of funny mishaps. Let me take you all into the Hindi side of my world and show you how:

Scene 1: My school days:
As I always have a hard corner for chubby girls, I used to make friends with all the Jains, Marwadis and Northie girls in my school times. Despite their friendship and sweets, I never picked up this language. When I wrote my 10th class public exams I was worried that that I will flunk in my Hindi and lose my face before them. But that same day night I had a dream, like I was offering prayers to some divine angel who looked like a Punjabi NRI, pink, tall and chubby. Being a guy who believes in dreams and especially in such kind of angels, I had my hope that I something good may happen. My dream came true and I got 69 in Hindi. Though it was the least of all the remaining subjects, am happy for the number. Somehow how I saved myself.

Scene 2: My moustache days:
These were the times we always wanted to seek attention. College means colors. And you all know how much I love and care for girls. In this mode, I invited 3 of my Northie girl friends, for lunch at home. I asked my mom to prepare some nice Biryani and went for shower. She was super excited and when my friends came in, she invited them all by calling “Randi..Randi” to them. All of them got pissed off. When I later joined, one of them said, “Why is your mother calling us as prostitutes. We are hurt”. I almost had shit in my pants and said, “WHAT…why would she call you like that”? Checking back on what exactly happened, the fact is that, this word “Randi” in Hindi is a slang word for “Prostitute”, where as it is a very warm courtesy way of inviting guests in my native language.

Scene 3: My college days:
Let me tell you how I narrowly escaped one major accident those times. That day I and my friend were going on a bike. The talk went on like this:

He : Hey, lets go to this new movie, seems to be very funny.
Me : Which one ?
He : Eye-She-Queue.
Me : What..? Which movie is that? When did Hollywood start making movies with such crazy names?
He : Arey, this is not an English movie this is a Hindi movie.
Me : Are you mad, I never heard anything of that.

Now at the next turn he showed me the wall poster of that movie. It was ISHQ. Ajay devagan, Kajol, Aamir and Juhi’s. I almost had a skid, missed the gutter pump, hit directly to the buffalo and fell. See I said right.

Scene 4: End of college days:
With this frustration to learn, I decided to hit on to Hindi movies. That time we dont get much Hindi releases at my home town. But to my luck the movie “TAAL” came. I was hearing to its songs. One of the songs that caught my attention was this line in the “EYE-SHE-QUEUE bina” song…oops i mean “ISHQ bina’ song. One line excerpt goes like “Neeche ISHQ hai, uper RUB hai”. I was totally shocked and was like..WTF…? What guts these Hindi people have. How can one write such obscene lines directly in a song and that was said as a super hit of those times. “Neeche” means DOWN. “ISHQ” means LOVE. “Uper” means “Top”. And what is this RUB ON TOP funda. My ignorance was cleared when I later learnt that it is RAB not RUB. RAB means GOD and not to take that sound as in literal English.

Scene 5: Job searching days:
When things were like this, I felt the necessity to learn this language no matter what. So I decided to map Hindi words to day to day meanings and master it. That week attended one interview and coming back to my room I saw this North Indian fast food center on the road side. Feeling hungry I dropped in. There was this lady who was in her mid thirties, impressible enough to attract customers. I went in and said. “I need a CHOLI bath. Make that two. One take away. Should be soft also”. Sad to tell that I was dragged out of that center for speaking nonsense to her. Further explanation made me realize that the dish is called “Chole” not “Choli” and Choli means blouse.

Scene 6: New Job
These bizarre experiences continued even when I first joined this MNC. On my first day I went there with my appointment letter. The receptionist was a fluffy Bengali sitting in the center of the lobby and shez in her skirts. I said, “Am the new joinee, fresher”. She said, “Welcome” and gave me some sheet and said, “You sit there on that sofa and I will call you”. After few mins she called me and said “Tum yahan aav, kuch lick na hain”. I couldn’t understand what she meant by the word LICK, and to my confuse she was having those applications on her lap. Added to this confuse she said “Lick ne ke baad bolo, mein taste karunga”. This is heights. She wants me to LICK and then she says she wants to TASTE. Perplexed, I decided to call my Bengali friend and asked him what she meant. He explained, LICK means “to write” and I guess she would have meant “TEST” not “TASTE” and he said its PAAETHETIK, but that how Bengalis accent is. I realized that he meant pathetic. Ufff, I felt sad to know the meanings and filled up the application.

The next week I encountered the same lady in the elevator and I complimented her saying “You have very good dress sense”. She blushed and said, “Thanks”. Then I said, “COFFEE”..? She said, “Nahin, ab tho mein nikal na hai, kal 6:30 balcony mein bath karenge”. At that time I couldn’t understand what she said but felt that she wants to take BATH with me in the balcony. Twist is she quit the company that next day so my bathing equipment I have brought for that day went wasted.

Scene 7: Current situation:
Now fast forwarding to the present scenario my life has become like a Hindi top chart buster. Ever changing and happening. Work hard party harder. So come on guys let me play my all time favorite track for you all and join me on the dance floor.

DJ saab…start music…Readyyyyyyyyyy threeeeeeeeee twoooooooo oneeeeeeeee lets go HIP HOP RAP…eeeeeee…Neeche ISHQ hai…uper RUB hai..aa RUB..ahaa RUB..dinchak dinchak RUB..aa neeche…oo neeche..bhalle bhalle neeche..bhalle bhalle RUB”….“in dononke BEACH mein sab hai….! everybody hands UP in the air..RUB it in the beach..on yeah..oh baby rub it beach ahaa ahaa..cross ya legs tap ya feet..rub rub rub rub rub rub itttttttt”…!!!!!

Please share if any of your bone got TICKLED
Rating 4.64 out of 5
Jan 062010
 

OXYMORON – This is one among those few words which
describes Me. This script was written by me some ages back
but edited according to this day and place, and want to host this online here.

The beauty of this article lies in my idea – to write and article on
OXYMORONs, by not writing an article on OXYMORONs,
yet writing an article on OXYMORONS – got it…??

For those who dunno what an OXYMORON means:
An oxymoron (plural oxymora or, more commonly, oxymorons) (noun) is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms (e.g. “deafening silence”) to make a point.

Now here we go
Oxymoron … Oxymoron… Oxymoron… Ever heard of them…….???????
Probably YES , probably NO … or both together. But sure this word is annoying me comfortably so as to write an article to please it hard especially on these days of my working vacations. So, in this noisy calm weather of Budapest, here I sit with a pen and a diet coke, all alone together, and thinking nothing as what to write. Though I got this site at a very late age of my young life, since then am feeling that I should become a resident alien on this home page.

With plastic glasses on my nose, I first thought of writing about some peace force of United States or on some Military Intelligence of Rwanda. But felt its truly impractical to write something on such trivial things. So I permanently changed my mind not to give in for a take on this thought.

Watching about extinct life on Discovery inventions program , these thoughts went on and on and on… while I was constantly surfing channels. I just turned aside and gazed at my transparent mirror, I found something missing within my heart soul and felt like going out for a while to relax – after all am a single bachelor in my life. Immediately I turned off the TV where a documentary film on some business ethics in political sciences was getting broadcasted. Anyway I wore my tight slack and went out, locking the door behind.

This thought still persisting in my mind once in a while, I bumped into a library which is near far from my room. There I joined a small crowd talking about temporary tax increase in those so called calm zones. Within a short time break, I realized I wont fit into those butt headed topics and went away from myself. On the move I started taping live scenes through my eye lens, so that I can use them in writing this article if any. Way back to my place, though being a teetotaler, I thought of getting drunk legally. But with held the desire. I walked past the streets the whole evening like a living dead but acting naturally. At last I came back home. I took a hot shower bath and with a synthetic cotton towel around my waist I switched on my CD player for some soft rock to listen.

I poured the strong black coffee from the cold casserole with some ice cubes chips and sugar jelly on top. Gazing at the stars, wishing I should have been in some government organization instead of doing software designing, my thoughts flew all over the empty sky reaching nowhere.

Wait a minute for sometime …let me do my exact estimation of these self proclaimed, so called advanced basic thoughts resembling like a new classic of the modern past. Terribly pleased with all my true lies, sitting with thunderous silence all around in my balcony with an old new book in hand, drinking that bitter sweet cold coffee, and silently screaming that I completed this article – with the same difference from the beginning, I gave a start to end this article.

With little bit of religious tolerance and cruel kindness, I pray GOD to excuse all those people who would call this article as a genuine imitation of intelligent stupidity, so that they wont call me a wise fool.

Please share if any of your bone got TICKLED
Rating 4.87 out of 5