Nov 162017
 

“Kiss Mat…Arey Kiss Mat…kitni baar bolo..I am in Car pool..Kiss Mat yaar”..

Hearing these words and unable to control my ever curious mind..I asked her..”Boy Friend?” with a naughty smile. She turned to me and said “Oh no..she is my old school friend”. I wanted to correct my question..”Oh lesbian friend?” but didn’t dare to ask it. After a little pause and unable to resist myself..again asked her..”But you have been asking her not to Kiss you over phone. These days its all fine, whats there..” I said. Then she replied, “Its my FATE..KISMAT. Not asking her not to Kiss me”. BINGO..Huhh..Few things I can never learn. For Eg : My Proficiency in Hindi. ( Read my old blog : Romancing With Hindi )

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaa….This is how my Carpooling experiences goes on by each day. Kismat Konnection indeed.

As I believe in doing Eco friendly things like Conserving water, Recycling, Say no to plastic, Bring your own girl, Nudism etc, Carpooling is one among those initiatives I have been doing off late. Let me share some of my interesting encounters from my recent past.

Being a courteous guy, I casually wished “Hey..Howz the day” to the girl who just popped into my car. She replied “How do you know that I am on my period dates”..? Startled to her answer, I went calm unable to know what to reply, I said “Hmmm..I just asked you, How is your DAY”. Realizing her mistake she said, “My Bad..Am sorry”. Noticing she isn’t married, I said “No No..infact its good. If you have missed one then you should feel sorry..not for this. Its ok. Chill”. Anyways looking at her décolleté, I am sure she should be carrying things safe. 😀

Once a very cute traditionally looking girl got into the back seat. To ease the journey I generally initiate pep talk with the riders. To break the ice, I asked her where is she from? She said she hails from Punjab..Mughul dynasty and she said some story as how her ancestors were related to the Mughuls blah blah. Then I cracked a joke on Mughuls. She laughed loud. God Damnnn..she laughed as if she was moaning than laughing. Its more like a reverse laugh. Instead of Ha Haa Haa she went on like Ah Ahh Ahh. Immediately I said Shhhh..shhhh.. calm down girl..you are sounding as if you are..err ahemm..!! For that she laughed still louder and the whole car was shuddering with her euphoric laugh. If her laugh itself is like this..I wonder how her..pheww..never mind. One laugh lead to another and she moaned a lot that day. I guess that evening my car got its Tantric ablution from inside.
Mughul-e-Orgasm I say. 😛

This happened recently. Two girls who got in, said they are each other’s best friends and they are inseparable..they do everything together..eat together..work together..share clothes..same work place etc. They said we are each other’s shoulders, blood, body, soul and fingers. FINGERS..?? :O I was petrified with the burst of thoughts that exploded in my brain. Without any delay I said – Fingers..? Wow..How..? One of them said..”Yes..recently I broke my hand and she used to feed me”. The other one continued, “Oh yeah she is my Bestie..she helps me every time I break off from my BF”. OOOHHHKAYY now I get the whole scenario. Its KFC. Awwwwww…How cute. Isn’t that what life is all about? Making each other happy ? I rest my case here. _/\_

This arTICKLE wont be complete if I don’t tell this incident. One day this super gorgeous girl got into the car. Before I asked her where she will be getting down, she said “Uncle, which way will you be going”? U N C L E…?? Seriously..? Did she call me UNCLE..? WTFrock..? It reverberated in my MIND and I almost about to crash to the nearby divider.  Controlling my emotional turbulence, I said “Yes..same route as I ride you…I mean as per your ride”. Then she was on phone speaking in English pronouncing words like ask as aks, risk as riks, pepsi as pespi, school as ksool etc. Myself being a science student realized – Light travels faster than sound. Then at the end when I was about to halt..she said “Uncle..Swalpa dhoor jaake, stop maadi”. Damnnnn she misked..oops, I mean mixed 3 languages in one line. Whoaaav…No doubt Beauty is tongue deep.

Like these, many interesting things that keeps happening during Car pooling. No matter what Drive safe & Stay protected. Share your experiences in the comments. Please Like, Comment and Share.
Part 2 coming soon..Car Pooling with Guys. Watch this space. 😀

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Rating 4.33 out of 5
Feb 162015
 

One of my New Year resolutions is to revive this site..and continue in Titling your naughty bone. As a part of it-Here comes my first blog for this year where I am doing little bit of a naming ceremony and you are all invited to join me hands in going through this christening function –

LOLitha – The kind of girls who uses LOL extensively on chats, FB, Twitter, WhatsApp etc absolutely for anything and everything.
Eg :

Status 1: My GrandPa..died and I miss him.. 🙁
LOLitha: RIP Grandpa..LOL 🙂
(WTF..Whats LOL in losing a GrandPa..?)

Scene 1: A beautiful sun rise picture being shared on FB
LOLitha : LOL.. 🙂
(Errr..I have no idea what LOL has to do with a Sun set..nor what is so Hilarious about Dawn)

Scene 2: Someone would have shared a nice cute picture of their kid
LOLitha : You have a nice kid ..LOL.. 😀
(This freaks me out. Unless the Kid is a hobbit or has something funny, I really don’t get it what is there to Laugh Out Loud on that..)

These LOLithas confuse me more than making me get infuriated. Is it only me who is susceptible to their dumb humor..? Probably not..LOL..(Oops..I don’t want to become a LOLith now)

scootyHORSEitha : This appreciation goes exclusively to women riders on Indian roads who ride a Scooty/Activa/Zing whichever of such kind of vehicles. But one funny thing we can observe is the way the vehicle is ridden. Most of the time I see that the legs are in splits and are left free to each of the sides dangling in air as if your are riding a horse without a saddle. This reminds me of Road Rash game where the riders can kick other riders or the police whoever is passing by for extra bonus points. Women – Please tell me, is riding the vehicle that much difficult or is it a style to ride like that..I still don’t understand. Guys next time when you see a HORSEitha just yell at her “Nice horse..Madam”..! 🙂

DUCKshitha (This is not Dhakshitha) : The name says it all. Hail all those ultra-young and modern Selfie faceaficionados no matter what, which position they are in, when anyone says pose for the camera..an involuntary awkward muscle protuberance happens with an instant pout on their lips. Whether they are undergoing labor pains..or they in middle of floods or tasting a lime..doesn’t matter. You say let’s take a snap then immediately their DUCK hormones gets activated and poof they are ready with a pout. Girls – Excuse us..if you feel it is style and makes u feel as sultry siren..you are wrong. All it makes us feel is to become the greedy farmer in the story “The Duck that lays a Golden Egg”.

isSHITha : The special clan of girls who are very much culture centric and show as if they are the incarnation of Indian values and in reality their traditional acumen will as big as a pea. Eg: You can see them wearing Indian dresses (Chudidhars, Saree) even in Minus degree temperatures when they come onsite. They give lengthy lectures if we suggest them to change. The chill will be hitting till their waist line from bottom, still they are ok not to wear jeans or any western wear and on top speak ill of those who does.

Let me get the truth-o-meter here. The reality is :

  • Most of them will be bodily-challenged to fit in such clothes
  • Will be very miserly afflicted to spend money
  • Have husband or Boyfriend who are a combo of the above two points
  • Have the exposure quotient the size of a NUTgame

These kind of girls won’t even mind to wear Saree/Ghagra Choli to play beach volley ball or a football match and elevate the traditional values as high as a punctured ball goes. Wish to put some sand into my eyes than see this..God Bless them.

SUSUmitha : Haahhaa..This name made me laugh just by its mere sound. wcThe kind of a person who is addicted to going to loo wherever they go. Unless they bless the restroom in that place, their heart won’t be in content. Doesn’t matter where they go. Be it if they get into a flight, go to a new area, go to beach, go to a carnival, friends place, shopping mall..etc. Even if they become an astronaut and go to moon, first thing to do after going there is to do..SU SU. Long live the bladder..

FACEitha : You see them everywhere and almost every day. The evidences of these kinds of species is growing huge day by day and still counting. The interesting cute bubbly type of young girls and wives who keep selfies of their faces but nothing else. Some of the DUCKshitas you find in this category. If you continue clicking their next 50 pics of theirs, it will all be just faces faces and faces. Lucky be the one who finds a full length pic of them. But 95% chances is that it will be minimum 3 years old snap. If you ask me WHY..?I also don’t know but once you see them in full then probably you may understand the reason. No comments..just be watchful.

So my dear Buddies – Next time you get to see or come across these kinds of esteemed genre, don’t forget to think of these names and have a chuckle. And do let me know in comments of any other types you can categorise accordingly. Anyways as Shakespeare once said ..All is fine on Twitter and Facebook. Nail them all. Oops..I mean, Hail them all..

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Rating 4.50 out of 5
Mar 292013
 

This blogs goes spiraling back into my childhood days when all I keep thinking was about how life on this planet did have a start. This thought made me to past forward my learning from the Biology classes that life started from a single celled organism. God only knows how that is possible. May be the word “Buffet and Self service” was coined considering this act. Keeping the “Big Bang theory” aside from one of my previous posts, despite getting kinky thoughts on this word, this curiosity regarding life started increasing as things started growing UP.

Due to this inquisitiveness, I started reading lot of books and watched channels like animal planet and NGC. Being a curious child, my brain started becoming a laboratory for virtual prototypes. I even made a Daddy Horse and Mummy Rhino and their baby Unicorn. I even took the three models to my origami class. My teacher asked me where I got this idea and I said Animal Planet. She asked me to watch more of cartoon network. That day I watched Ariel on cartoon network. I started thinking who Ariel’s mummy is.  Right from childhood I was always considerate to mummies and my neighborhood aunties. One of the plausible reasons might be due to me spending more time in their laps than in my huggie naps. Thanks to my Mom for she giving me away to all our neighbors to retain her peace of mind. So out of this consideration, in my next class I asked how do mummy mermaids make babies? She said about the stork bringing the babies and regarding the daddy part she skipped it. I was happy for the answer at least some one is making babies somewhere and should be more of a cottage industry I felt.

Throughout my schooling I always had tough time understanding the reality of life. Once my teacher was teaching about hybrid plants and how strong they are to sustain drought and extreme weather conditions. She gave an example of a mule too. I was so fascinated by the story and I once again made my own Mule family. Daddy Mule, Mummy Mule and Baby Mule with clay and took them to my class. My teacher tried to explain the major design flaw of hybrids but failed to convince me. Later I realized the inevitable that they can’t make babies. Sad but true. There after I was sent out of the class many times for my curious questions which has become a routine for me in every Biology and moral science class subsequently.

Later, the time has come that my Dad came to me and tried to initiate talk regarding Birds and Bees. That was the most entertaining talk I ever had with my Dad. Birds and Bees…I thought Whoa..is more like an orgy. Then I added one more to my interest list to see how a bird can make it out with a bee. Beaks Vs Stings which would win..damn the though itself felt so gay so dropped the thought over all. As the disappointment ruminating in my mind, the time has come for me to join the college. When we are searching for which college I should join I came across, one college that said “B.R.A Open University”. The whole of my childhood questions just befell and thought if I have to study in any college this is it. Felt I just discovered stair case to heaven. To my dismay I later learn that it is “Bheem Rao Ambedkar Open University” for vocational courses. The stair case crumbled altogether. Now as I got married and undergoing the nuptial bliss, the importance of all my learning made me realize just one thing. As Darwin said..Natural selection is the key for all Life to happen, that leads to spermutations and combinations. So going back to my initial learning, whether life would have started from a single celled organism or not…but sure the trails would have got started from a single cell’s orgasm. God Bless us All..Amen..Ahh Women..!!

Shares your Qs and any related thoughts you had in your childhood as comments. Waiting for..

 

 

 

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Rating 4.67 out of 5
Apr 102011
 

Disclaimer : I hate giving disclaimers but this one sure needs one. Don’t take me as judgmental but want to bring some of my observations that has left me with no reasonable answer as WHY..Yes of course regarding my most favorite race of people called WOMEN.

————————

The very nature of girls is so fascinating that made me to have an extra pair of eyes for anything they do and be. Out of this fascination comes some frustration leaving me clueless for the things they tell and do at times.

There was this well educated girl, a university topper of her college and an accomplished career. Once I was talking with her and the conversation went like this:
She : Tomorrow is my interview I am tensed.
Me  : Thats normal we all undergo that so how did you prepare?
She : I prepared well but I want my friends Kittu and Viggu help me for this. They always help me whenever I am low and need help. They are always with me. Am so close to them. They love me so much. My bestest friends, they are sooooo chweeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Muah muah muah to them.

Me knowing all her friends list was at confuse as how come I missed these two. I ran through my memory if I missed these two people. I even went along the pet list she once said to me if any animal is intelligent enough to help her in her interview but in vain. Feeling bad about my memory power I asked how come you didn’t tell me about them. She said oh come on as if you dunno them..every one knows them and she hung up the phone. I didn’t get sleep that day and checked her Facebook, Orkut and every where possible if I missed any of her gang of friends. Next day unable to bear the curiosity I called her and asked who are they? She said Lord Krishna and Lord Ganesha. Gwadddddddd….dont ask me how I felt to hear this.

This below one is the most unexplainable thing in my entire career of being in IT industry.
Some one please explain me this:
Almost all the Southie girls have this extreme addiction to back strap sandals. Whether you are in Saree, Chudidhar, Jeans(With altered length below, of course), Ghagra choli, Bikini or a Lingerie they would be wearing this exclusive belt sandals on their feet. One pair goes with everything. Why God Why this torture? Is it that we people don’t know that there are 1000s of varieties of sandals or are we poor or we don’t care or its just creature comfort?


Guys I bet, from now onwards in your office or in any shopping malls or cinema theaters just have a look at the feet of girls and 80% you will see them in this Belt sandals made from Bata or Lotto or some local brand. If you don’t see that call that day as your lucky day.

This is another insulting thing to all those developers and architects around the world who brought the state of art of telephony to the stage we are in. This foolish act again can be seen with many of the people in IT industry. Girls especially. She would be having some Blackberry or some latest Touch screen gadget and its the way of speaking that makes my brain become a camphor and get burnt in seconds. They hold the phone in their hand as if you are holding a Walkie Talkie and speak into the mouth piece. Immediately they move the hand to their ear to hear what the other person is saying. This ‘reverse C-section’ movement continues all through till the call ends. Why cant we have a simple understanding that these devices are so advanced that they can catch the voice signals even if your face is as big as a pumpkin. God gimme a break..!!

Some more collection of impromptu lines I heard from this set of people :

1) This was on an internal chat messenger :
She : U open the zip n wait 4 me I ‘ b thr in a sex..
She : oops sec*, X and C are side by side…chorry.. 🙂
( She wants me to unzip some file and wait for her)
( After few secs…Damn..here comes the libido kicker..)
She : Hold on..I’m cumming..
( There I was like a Jack ass sitting with my legs crossed waiting for her.. )

2) Was speaking to this innocent cutie and asked, what her hobbies are?
She said TV TV TV TV. I just love TV. I see anything that comes on TV. TV is my best friend and I cant survive without TV. She said all about TV so much I though she should get married to some TV and she makes love to that and make portable TVs that eventually grow up into some 3D HD plasma TVs..! She asked me do I watch TV. I said yes to watch F1. She asked what is F1. I said Formula 1. She asked me if it comes in Star plus or Zee TV..?? I was like …^*^#*&$*#%*&$(&;…!! F1 F1 F1 F1…helppppppppppppp…….!!

3) She is from TamilNadu and said she doesn’t drink Coffee coz that makes her become dark and brown. ( Now I know why I am so brown..!! Phew..!! )

4) Some weekend another intelligent girl has washed her clothes and put them for drying. And it rained that day night. Next day at lunch she was telling, “My panties still wet, dunno what to do ya..”..Before I jumped to say I can be of much help to her, I just realized that the word panties is in fact two words “pant is”.

5) On the similar lines to the above point, there was this another ritual we used to follow in my previous company. Everyday we write some proverb as ‘Thought for the day’. That day this girl form Delhi wrote as “Pen is mightier than a sword”. Because of spacing problem between the first two words, that proverb meaning indeed made a real thought for THAT day..! Lol..! 😉

What so ever the deeds and being these girls are, its for this nature we should adore them and thank each one of them for their perennial entertainment they have been giving. Hail them..!

Please share and give me your thoughts in the comments section… 🙂 🙂 🙂

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Rating 4.56 out of 5
Sep 172010
 

Recently I had a dream. I was dead and I was at St. Peters gates. The entrance where you will be sent to Hell or Heaven depending on how much and what kind of FUN you had in your life. The whole place is as white as possible. All kinds of angels in transparent dresses, along with their playboy bunny clips. Nice seducing music as if they are playing “Principles of Lust” song of Enigma repeatedly since ages. The angels are in the best of their powder puffed pink skin, clad in as skimpy dresses as possible and I feel they all should be suffering from lower back problems for their endowment. GODs must be crazy I say. Seeing them I realized why we call someone whoz gorgeous as an ANGEL. Near the Pearly gates I saw people are being interviewed and anyone who has small chances of getting into Heaven are filtered by the answers they give at that entrance gate. I was excited, for my final luck and waited for my turn.

Suddenly one chubby angel appeared from no where with a pen and a paper. She said, “Hey YOU…isn’t your name VIZARD”..? I nodded as YES. Being a chivalrous guy I asked her, “Who are you mam”? She showed the small name tag which was placed over her décolleté with word “PRESS” inscribed on. I was like WOW..(reminded me of Pronothi Mukherjee..guys hope you remember her from my previous post )these angels sure knows how to treat their customers. Alas my thought was killed when she said she is angels’ journalist and a “PRESS” reporter. She takes interviews with people in random, for her internship thesis it seems. She got my history from her LAPTOP and the rapid fire Qs went on like this.

Angel(A) : Answer my Qs straight and even if you want to lie you cant and we let you speak only the truth and nothing but the truth.
Vizard(V) : Yes, beautifull.  ( OOps..And I bit my tongue for my reflex answer.)

A : (Confused with my answer) Okay select one topic from these four options.
1) Quantum Physics 2) Financial management 3) Para-psychology 4) Women
V : WOMEN.

A : Why did you select this topic?
V : I like always love complex things. Its the only complex topic of all these four. 🙂

A : Do you like them?
V : Like is a substantial word. I just  love them so much. I am a feminist. In fact if I am a woman I would be a lesbian.

A : Hmm…Any reason for this obsession?
V : Its not an obsession its the NAKED fact.

A : Can you tell us that Fact, keeping the Naked part aside.
V : They are the indirect rulers of this hole world. And I like Power to take into my hands.

A : Ohkay…So which half of women do you prefer to have for your self.
V : The front half.

A : Shed some light on the difference between a Gurl and a Woman.
V : Gurl has all things less in size comparative to a woman. I am talking in terms of brains and maturity factor. This is the main diff.

A : What is that you look in a women?
V : Beauty and BRAins.

A : Ever danced with a women?
V : Yes, horizontally.

A : Tell some more most sexiest words you ever heard apart from Women
V : Lady, Girl, Female..etc etc.

A : What is the best way to read a women?
V : Through Braille language. Touch and Try.

A : I keep hearing this quote that says, “All MEN are DOGS”. Why so?
V : Coz they are honest, they love LICKING…and its a STYLE.

A : Which temple you loved the best in your life?
V : Khajuraho temple.

A : Just tell me in two words your opinion about sex.
V : Yes, please. 😉

A : Whats your favorite color code for dress for a woman?
V : Transparent.

A : To which number do you associate the word WOMEN and why?
V : Number 8. That is the shape of a woman and that is how a woman should be. Thin at the waist and..

( Angel blushing and interrupting…) OOOOOOOk I get it.

A : What kind of animals you like..and Why..?
V : Mammals..and Why means..

(Interrupting me again..huh…)

A : …Ok Ok….no need to explain I can understand…next Q, Have u ever lied?
V : YES, I didn’t.

A : Do you believe in GOOD LUCK?
V : Of course who wouldn’t…ohh by the way you said LUCK..oops..sorry I heard it as something else. Nope..I don’t believe in LUCK factor.

A : Then how are you expecting to get into Heaven?
V : Nope I am not expecting anything. Where ever I am its heaVen for me..if its not I can make one for my own.

A : Appreciating your boldness and your chivalry. Best place is that you be back to Earth and help and make all those women live their life happily ever after.
V : Appreciating your EVERYTHING, thank u mam and hope to mate you soon..err..I mean meet me if you please..soon some day some way.
A : Will be looking for..take your own time. BLESS YOU Mister.

With this I woke up from my dream and felt myself as if I got Enlightened in BED…awww..!! Believe me readers if we take statistics, I feel BED is the only place where almost each one of us would have had our share of enlightenment and happiness. The place that transforms us, makes us grow think and be matured. Now write about your enlightenment just in case if you had one in your BED..and share your thoughts in the comment section.

I just love my BED thats where I do the BEST of my works…!!

By the way read the comments and my replies. And if you have given your comment come back and check for my reply. This will double amuse you.

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Rating 4.21 out of 5
May 222010
 

Before I say anything, I want to THANK all those lovely GALS, for your candid appreciations you people gave to me regarding my “No Entry” post. Nice to know that, you all changed your way of posing for camera and have a better decorum. I want you all to be as beautiFULL as possible. Stay young, Stay  fit, Stay naughty.

Back to business. ONE-SIN-a-while we come across things which goes far more embarrassing than we can ever imagine. Especially at our work places. So here I am going to narrate few of my classified experiences or ideas I have undergone while working in and around the office space.

There is this special period of time where we have lot of releases in project and managers come and speak the same stuff for each and every celebration. At this time we got a mail saying as “Sweets at my DESK” from one of our colleague for he is blessed with a baby boy. We all went to CONGRATULATE him and along the group came our Senior manager. He said “Good job Dev, keep up the momentum and the pendulum swinging, I am proud of you and company needs people like you”. We were all startled hearing these lines. There was a drop of silence in that cubicle. On top still not realizing the reason for the sweets he said, you should share your experience and do the knowledge transfer on this to all our team members. I was more than happy to attend that session in case it happens, but our immediate project manager whispered to that BigBoss saying, “This Dev is not that Dev, who won the customer appreciation award for his work”….beeeeeeeep went the alarm in everyone’s mind. 😛

Similar incident regarding child birth happened in one past project of mine. Hope I won’t get fired for writing this. This Manager is one workcoholic and almost he stays in office for 13-14 hrs excluding the travel time. Once he has sent a mail to the entire team saying that, “He is blessed with a baby boy, sharing this happy news with you all”. Now everyone is totally surprised as how can this happen..! And everyone was eager to see the baby, just for the reason by any remotest chance looks like that manager who is supposed to be its father as per the mail at least. But alas the baby looked more like its mother. Ask me no Questions I tell no lies. The doubt is still persisting.

This crazy incident happened recently. I cleared some certification and sent this mail “Sweets at my desk”. One girl who recently got married came for the sweets and the conversation went like this:
She : Congratulations.
Me  : Thank you. Have some sweets.
[She took the sweets and was searching for something else]
She : No namkeen*?? Oh no, I like SALTY stuff only. No sweets.
Me  : Oh yeah, you are MARRIED now, I can understand.
[For readers : Namkeen is hot n salty kind of Indian snacks]

I said this line in a way, as she is married and want to watch her weight, so no sweets.
But she took my line in a different way and BLUSHED, the reason which I don’t want to discuss here. She was happy anyway. So am I.

This incident I always keep sharing at any of my social gatherings. There was this project where to compile the code we need to make a folder with a name as “permanent” folder. So the name of the folder can vary as perm1, perm2 depending as per the compilation version. Some people use the first letter of their names for identification. For example I used to make it as Vperm1, Vperm2 etc. Once my onsite manager wanted to check some common permanent folder section and he opened the database. The whole database was consisting of folders named as Sperm1, Sperm2, Sperm3 as if we hacked into some Sperm bank. Nearly 25 people across different geographies were in that live net meeting and this folder was opened through the projector and the whole screen was full of Sperms with numbers assigned to them. Oops missed to tell you all, that folder belongs to one of our colleague whose name is Sagar and he used S as an identifier for his folders. It was an embarrassing situation to all the women and men who were attending that live meeting but my manager cracked a joke saying – Yeah now I can understand why we are 2nd largest in the population. Rest is history.

There were those times where we used to have a graffiti board before we enter our floor. Wherever there was any movie screening in our campus we used to write the movie name under the section FLICK OF THE WEEK. Once the situation happened such a way that, it went beyond explanation and embarrassed the whole tower. A print out with big fonts saying “FLICK OF THE WEEK – CLINT EASTWOOD”, was pasted on the footer end of the board due to lack of space anywhere else. Someone has dragged a chair to that board and the beading of the chair covered the last part of the script making it look as the below pic. That made the letters LI together started  looking like the letter U.

Now imagine how much crowd would have got gathered for that movie. Hope supersedes anything else. Add your comments and share your office/work related experiences with all our fellow readers.

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Rating 4.53 out of 5
Apr 142010
 

This is IT. The time has come for all of us to understand these big pussy cats. Everywhere we have been hearing this BUZZ word from Los Angels to Bengal. SAVE THE TIGERS only 1411 are left. While everyone is giving their share of contribution to this ecological problem, let this VIZARD take you still more deeper into this global issue and do some fault analysis that lead to this crisis we are facing now.

Somewhere I read, “Its not where you fell that is important but where you slipped”. Connecting this above quote to the present TIGER situation I feel the major problem is lying in lack of understanding the problem itself. Lets do some root cause analysis at this issue of endangering Tigers. Lets Question – Why is that the TIGER population is decreasing day by day…? What does this mean..?

I want all you people to have a PAUSE and think what would be the basic problem for this situation to arise. OK..come on everybody how many of you said the problem is “SEX”..? Please raise your hands and give me your smile. Damn…exact bang on the target. That is what I want to speak regarding. SEX is the root cause. As per MY-thology, these Tigers are bad lovers and suck when it comes to the art of Love making. Yeah I know India is the place where KamaSutra came from, but what to do with these Tigers..they cant read Sanskrit or infact any of the languages in which this KS translated into. As every great person has his/her own pit falls here is a sheer example of this majestic animal. They fail when it comes to the Principles of LUST. May be we should feed them with some aphrodisiac or we should remove any of the family planning techniques if they are implementing just in case.

We all know this proverb “Money is the root of all evil”. But I feel its not Money. Imagine you give some million dollars to each of the tiger? What will happen? Nothing. OK, lets be practical we give all that comfort for a million dollars to these lazy animals. Again whats the result? Nothing. They will sleep the whole day, eat and sleep and eat and sleep. Here I am not discriminating male and female tigers. They are all the same. At the worse they will become fat and they will sleep for some more. Do you see the problem? Its not the money. Its the lack of this urge is the problem. Give those tigers some shots of libido quotient improvement tonic. Inject them with some love potions. Drug them. Make them hang around with those lazy other wild cats. Make them make love. If they are bored of the same partner, get them or give them a chance to go inter racial or taste across geographies. Let the Siberian mate with a nice chubby Bengali. Let the yellow stripes mix around with some White stripes. We are not worried about what color as long as we are able to bring back the count. Numbers do matter. Help them.

While the Indian situation is like this, lets shift the focus to international arena. The scenario is total reverse. I heard of one Tiger in United States of America acting completely different than any of these Indian counter parts. That Tiger is so advanced in its genetics and evolution it can even play Golf. Its been sleeping with God knows with what kind of different pussy cats around the world, earning huge money and fame together. Even the American government was also worried about the screwing capabilities of this Tiger Pro and raised a hue and cry to stop this sex machine. I guess they call it as Tiger Woods. But as I say end of the day its the results that is important. Even that Tiger didn’t bring in much of newer generation by its acts of inter courses with different other species. It became scandalous but not much KIDS yet. That means whether in India or abroad bottom line is “Tigers are bad at SEX and reproduction”. So donating money, or doing preaching, hoarding bill boards and raising banners wont make these lazy bums to go and make love. All we can do is just hope they get into mood, go wild as their name, start screwing and populate. Lets all pray for that.

Now next time anyone calls you as “Son of a Tiger” or “Share ka puttar” or something related to the greatness of Tiger…phew…you should be knowing the reality answer that you are Bad in BED and cant reproduce and no one wants you. May be you will have to remain just happy and GAY. Whatever makes you feel fine. Now please share your ideas and give your comments on how we can teach these tigers to perform better and make babies.

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Rating 4.65 out of 5
Mar 162010
 

The next best thing to being naked is to be in Saree.
-Vizard.

I don’t believe in cross dressing, but this lovely garment called Saree always brings me quivers down my spine and its surrounding areas. I get so fascinated to this wonderful clothing style am sure so would you. For me a lady in Saree is more sensuous than a babe in bikini. Its always a feast to eyes and all the other rhyming words if you can think of. But one thing never makes me understand or may be I understood it beyond I am supposed to is, why is that almost all the women who wears a Saree has their hands put in a very thought provoking and provocative way…? Esp when a picture is about to be taken immediately their hands goes as if some magnet is put there. Being a guy I can understand about magnets and magnetic flux but this reflex action of women I can never understand as why.

A picture is worth 1000 words.  Check it up here :


No Entry Pic 1:

Even our so called celebrities too :

No Entry pic 2 :

The general public

No Entry Pic 3 :

So what is this No Entry pose as if show is over, gates are closed, come back tomorrow kinds..? :-O

I am sure you would have seen in any of your cousin’s, friend’s, uncle’s, auntie’s, your GFs, your ex-GF’s, your wife’s marriages when it comes to the photo shoot time, you see this No Entry pose all the times.  My Dear Ladies..I understand that its tough to carry oneself with a Saree but even when standing also you seduce we poor men like this, irrespective of your age and blame it back on us. 🙁 🙁 But we would love to get the blame and still enjoy GOD’s best creation, its all YOU beautiFULL ladies out there…! Thanks for accepting our mistakes and still love us unconditionally.

So my dear readers , I want you all have an eye to these No Entry poses from now onwards and let me know what you feel in the comment section.

Celebrating Women’s day – Everyday….love you All…!!

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Rating 4.31 out of 5