Disclaimer : I hate giving disclaimers but this one sure needs one. Don’t take me as judgmental but want to bring some of my observations that has left me with no reasonable answer as WHY..Yes of course regarding my most favorite race of people called WOMEN.

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The very nature of girls is so fascinating that made me to have an extra pair of eyes for anything they do and be. Out of this fascination comes some frustration leaving me clueless for the things they tell and do at times.

There was this well educated girl, a university topper of her college and an accomplished career. Once I was talking with her and the conversation went like this:
She : Tomorrow is my interview I am tensed.
Me  : Thats normal we all undergo that so how did you prepare?
She : I prepared well but I want my friends Kittu and Viggu help me for this. They always help me whenever I am low and need help. They are always with me. Am so close to them. They love me so much. My bestest friends, they are sooooo chweeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Muah muah muah to them.

Me knowing all her friends list was at confuse as how come I missed these two. I ran through my memory if I missed these two people. I even went along the pet list she once said to me if any animal is intelligent enough to help her in her interview but in vain. Feeling bad about my memory power I asked how come you didn’t tell me about them. She said oh come on as if you dunno them..every one knows them and she hung up the phone. I didn’t get sleep that day and checked her Facebook, Orkut and every where possible if I missed any of her gang of friends. Next day unable to bear the curiosity I called her and asked who are they? She said Lord Krishna and Lord Ganesha. Gwadddddddd….dont ask me how I felt to hear this.

This below one is the most unexplainable thing in my entire career of being in IT industry.
Some one please explain me this:
Almost all the Southie girls have this extreme addiction to back strap sandals. Whether you are in Saree, Chudidhar, Jeans(With altered length below, of course), Ghagra choli, Bikini or a Lingerie they would be wearing this exclusive belt sandals on their feet. One pair goes with everything. Why God Why this torture? Is it that we people don’t know that there are 1000s of varieties of sandals or are we poor or we don’t care or its just creature comfort?

Guys I bet, from now onwards in your office or in any shopping malls or cinema theaters just have a look at the feet of girls and 80% you will see them in this Belt sandals made from Bata or Lotto or some local brand. If you don’t see that call that day as your lucky day.

This is another insulting thing to all those developers and architects around the world who brought the state of art of telephony to the stage we are in. This foolish act again can be seen with many of the people in IT industry. Girls especially. She would be having some Blackberry or some latest Touch screen gadget and its the way of speaking that makes my brain become a camphor and get burnt in seconds. They hold the phone in their hand as if you are holding a Walkie Talkie and speak into the mouth piece. Immediately they move the hand to their ear to hear what the other person is saying. This ‘reverse C-section’ movement continues all through till the call ends. Why cant we have a simple understanding that these devices are so advanced that they can catch the voice signals even if your face is as big as a pumpkin. God gimme a break..!!

Some more collection of impromptu lines I heard from this set of people :

1) This was on an internal chat messenger :
She : U open the zip n wait 4 me I ‘ b thr in a sex..
She : oops sec*, X and C are side by side…chorry..
( She wants me to unzip some file and wait for her)
( After few secs…Damn..here comes the libido kicker..)
She : Hold on..I’m cumming..
( There I was like a Jack ass sitting with my legs crossed waiting for her.. )

2) Was speaking to this innocent cutie and asked, what her hobbies are?
She said TV TV TV TV. I just love TV. I see anything that comes on TV. TV is my best friend and I cant survive without TV. She said all about TV so much I though she should get married to some TV and she makes love to that and make portable TVs that eventually grow up into some 3D HD plasma TVs..! She asked me do I watch TV. I said yes to watch F1. She asked what is F1. I said Formula 1. She asked me if it comes in Star plus or Zee TV..?? I was like …^*^#*&$*#%*&$(&;…!! F1 F1 F1 F1…helppppppppppppp…….!!

3) She is from TamilNadu and said she doesn’t drink Coffee coz that makes her become dark and brown. ( Now I know why I am so brown..!! Phew..!! )

4) Some weekend another intelligent girl has washed her clothes and put them for drying. And it rained that day night. Next day at lunch she was telling, “My panties still wet, dunno what to do ya..”..Before I jumped to say I can be of much help to her, I just realized that the word panties is in fact two words “pant is”.

5) On the similar lines to the above point, there was this another ritual we used to follow in my previous company. Everyday we write some proverb as ‘Thought for the day’. That day this girl form Delhi wrote as “Pen is mightier than a sword”. Because of spacing problem between the first two words, that proverb meaning indeed made a real thought for THAT day..! Lol..!

What so ever the deeds and being these girls are, its for this nature we should adore them and thank each one of them for their perennial entertainment they have been giving. Hail them..!

Please share and give me your thoughts in the comments section…

This is IT. The time has come for all of us to understand these big pussy cats. Everywhere we have been hearing this BUZZ word from Los Angels to Bengal. SAVE THE TIGERS only 1411 are left. While everyone is giving their share of contribution to this ecological problem, let this VIZARD take you still more deeper into this global issue and do some fault analysis that lead to this crisis we are facing now.

Somewhere I read, “Its not where you fell that is important but where you slipped”. Connecting this above quote to the present TIGER situation I feel the major problem is lying in lack of understanding the problem itself. Lets do some root cause analysis at this issue of endangering Tigers. Lets Question – Why is that the TIGER population is decreasing day by day…? What does this mean..?

I want all you people to have a PAUSE and think what would be the basic problem for this situation to arise. OK..come on everybody how many of you said the problem is “SEX”..? Please raise your hands and give me your smile. Damn…exact bang on the target. That is what I want to speak regarding. SEX is the root cause. As per MY-thology, these Tigers are bad lovers and suck when it comes to the art of Love making. Yeah I know India is the place where KamaSutra came from, but what to do with these Tigers..they cant read Sanskrit or infact any of the languages in which this KS translated into. As every great person has his/her own pit falls here is a sheer example of this majestic animal. They fail when it comes to the Principles of LUST. May be we should feed them with some aphrodisiac or we should remove any of the family planning techniques if they are implementing just in case.

We all know this proverb “Money is the root of all evil”. But I feel its not Money. Imagine you give some million dollars to each of the tiger? What will happen? Nothing. OK, lets be practical we give all that comfort for a million dollars to these lazy animals. Again whats the result? Nothing. They will sleep the whole day, eat and sleep and eat and sleep. Here I am not discriminating male and female tigers. They are all the same. At the worse they will become fat and they will sleep for some more. Do you see the problem? Its not the money. Its the lack of this urge is the problem. Give those tigers some shots of libido quotient improvement tonic. Inject them with some love potions. Drug them. Make them hang around with those lazy other wild cats. Make them make love. If they are bored of the same partner, get them or give them a chance to go inter racial or taste across geographies. Let the Siberian mate with a nice chubby Bengali. Let the yellow stripes mix around with some White stripes. We are not worried about what color as long as we are able to bring back the count. Numbers do matter. Help them.

While the Indian situation is like this, lets shift the focus to international arena. The scenario is total reverse. I heard of one Tiger in United States of America acting completely different than any of these Indian counter parts. That Tiger is so advanced in its genetics and evolution it can even play Golf. Its been sleeping with God knows with what kind of different pussy cats around the world, earning huge money and fame together. Even the American government was also worried about the screwing capabilities of this Tiger Pro and raised a hue and cry to stop this sex machine. I guess they call it as Tiger Woods. But as I say end of the day its the results that is important. Even that Tiger didn’t bring in much of newer generation by its acts of inter courses with different other species. It became scandalous but not much KIDS yet. That means whether in India or abroad bottom line is “Tigers are bad at SEX and reproduction”. So donating money, or doing preaching, hoarding bill boards and raising banners wont make these lazy bums to go and make love. All we can do is just hope they get into mood, go wild as their name, start screwing and populate. Lets all pray for that.

Now next time anyone calls you as “Son of a Tiger” or “Share ka puttar” or something related to the greatness of Tiger…phew…you should be knowing the reality answer that you are Bad in BED and cant reproduce and no one wants you. May be you will have to remain just happy and GAY. Whatever makes you feel fine. Now please share your ideas and give your comments on how we can teach these tigers to perform better and make babies.