Vizard

Jan 072010
 

Hahahha…as most of the foreigners, I also became the scapegoat to the technology these Japanese have. Bagging the credit of shitting in 9 different countries of Europe above all being a typical Indian, wherever I go to do my calls I used to go with a coke bottle or some pet bottle, that too into washrooms designed for physically challenged people. Not because I use a wheel chair or I am physically challenged (touch wood) but thats the only place where we can find water outlets. Else u hardly find washbasins in toilets anywhere in Europe.

But here in Japan, it was a total new excitement n something to do with IQ. Did I say IQ…huhh.. Once I gave my MENSA for dummies test and the computer spat on me saying better not to take this test again in this life. So being skeptical about my IQ, as soon as I checked into the Hotel after my long haul flight from Singapore,  first thing to do was to run into toilet. There I saw some miniature space ship kind of gadget. I thought it was that alien EVE we see in this movie Wall-E.

Somehow thinking that it will talk to me or atleast wish me Hi I slowly touched it. Nothing happened. Then I realized it is some kind of commode these Japanese use to do shit. Some how I sat to do my course telling sorry just in case my thought comes alive and this alien shakes hand with me. At that thought I noticed one arm rest like panel, on my right hand side of the commode with some scriptures n symbols on it. Astonished and looking funny, I was puzzled thinking what the heck was this..? Is it some interactive gaming as Nintendo’s WII calling as score hitting while shitting kinds or is it some kind of gadget of CCTV for extra security. U can’t believe Japanese TRICKknowledge. Can’t take chances. So I was smiling all the way of my act if theres some web cam out there hidden so that I would look good n cheerful. Come on. Everybody wants to look good on TV. ..don’t we…?

Now am done…getting puzzled again what this touch panel is…to my remotest though I felt it has something to do with the act itself. whoa…the whole commode is digitalized. Am sitting on a digitalized commode at my service to do everything I want the pot to do. functions like 1) seat warming 2) initial auto sensors to flush lil bit as soon as u sit 3)deodorizers for odour absorption 4) flush sounds ( just the sounds ) to muzzle the droppings n embarrassing sounds 5) water sprayers with 5 levels of water pressure adjustment to clean 6) another spray for diff areas of ur butt 7) wide span sprinklers 8) stop button 9) timers cuts – just in case u did something wrong or over did things, esp for guys like me …lolz 10) blow dryers…etc etc…!!

What a way to shit. Being a lazy sloth am just so pleased and fascinated to see this technology. Forget the multi level subways or the bullet trains. This is just heaven. All u have to do is sit n shit. head over heels on this, I had a doubt, if theres some facility to have a robotic arm with a guided joystick where u can get the hose inserted into ur rectum n have the bionic enema injected n get the shit outta ya….just in case if you feel constipated. Good jeez nothing of that sort as of now. But u can always expect it. U never know. Japanese technology is the best….!! 😉

Now don’t dream with all these facilities. You have some panels completely in Japanese. You dont know what to press and how it responds. So next time you encounter these kind of commodes, I caution you do ur initial trial and error and get accustomed to the symbols. Else you end up either wetting you w’hole butt and dress or burning your base if the previous fellow has put the hot blower at max level or the commode thinks you as a female and have a total different set of cleaning functionality.

Its all just another way to blush with every flush. Have fun..!!

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Rating 4.75 out of 5
Jan 062010
 

OXYMORON – This is one among those few words which
describes Me. This script was written by me some ages back
but edited according to this day and place, and want to host this online here.

The beauty of this article lies in my idea – to write and article on
OXYMORONs, by not writing an article on OXYMORONs,
yet writing an article on OXYMORONS – got it…??

For those who dunno what an OXYMORON means:
An oxymoron (plural oxymora or, more commonly, oxymorons) (noun) is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms (e.g. “deafening silence”) to make a point.

Now here we go
Oxymoron … Oxymoron… Oxymoron… Ever heard of them…….???????
Probably YES , probably NO … or both together. But sure this word is annoying me comfortably so as to write an article to please it hard especially on these days of my working vacations. So, in this noisy calm weather of Budapest, here I sit with a pen and a diet coke, all alone together, and thinking nothing as what to write. Though I got this site at a very late age of my young life, since then am feeling that I should become a resident alien on this home page.

With plastic glasses on my nose, I first thought of writing about some peace force of United States or on some Military Intelligence of Rwanda. But felt its truly impractical to write something on such trivial things. So I permanently changed my mind not to give in for a take on this thought.

Watching about extinct life on Discovery inventions program , these thoughts went on and on and on… while I was constantly surfing channels. I just turned aside and gazed at my transparent mirror, I found something missing within my heart soul and felt like going out for a while to relax – after all am a single bachelor in my life. Immediately I turned off the TV where a documentary film on some business ethics in political sciences was getting broadcasted. Anyway I wore my tight slack and went out, locking the door behind.

This thought still persisting in my mind once in a while, I bumped into a library which is near far from my room. There I joined a small crowd talking about temporary tax increase in those so called calm zones. Within a short time break, I realized I wont fit into those butt headed topics and went away from myself. On the move I started taping live scenes through my eye lens, so that I can use them in writing this article if any. Way back to my place, though being a teetotaler, I thought of getting drunk legally. But with held the desire. I walked past the streets the whole evening like a living dead but acting naturally. At last I came back home. I took a hot shower bath and with a synthetic cotton towel around my waist I switched on my CD player for some soft rock to listen.

I poured the strong black coffee from the cold casserole with some ice cubes chips and sugar jelly on top. Gazing at the stars, wishing I should have been in some government organization instead of doing software designing, my thoughts flew all over the empty sky reaching nowhere.

Wait a minute for sometime …let me do my exact estimation of these self proclaimed, so called advanced basic thoughts resembling like a new classic of the modern past. Terribly pleased with all my true lies, sitting with thunderous silence all around in my balcony with an old new book in hand, drinking that bitter sweet cold coffee, and silently screaming that I completed this article – with the same difference from the beginning, I gave a start to end this article.

With little bit of religious tolerance and cruel kindness, I pray GOD to excuse all those people who would call this article as a genuine imitation of intelligent stupidity, so that they wont call me a wise fool.

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Rating 4.87 out of 5