Jan 072010

The times goes way back into my kidhood days where my class teacher Rani was teaching us singular and plural. Teacher was asking us to tell her the plural forms of certain words from her notes. The sequence went like this:

Teacher : Charan tell me plural for lady?
Charan  : Plural for lady is Ladies teacher.
Teacher : Next. Pavan what is the plural for baby?
Pavan   : Babies teacher.
Teacher : Vijay now tell me what is the plural for party?
Vijay   : Parties teacher.
Teacher : Hey you Vineel, What is the plural for TEST?

And I have no idea what is the plural for TEST and as per the flow I immediately said TESTIS, in the same flow as how these guys sounded. I don’t know why she got so angry for my answer and she failed me giving an F in my progress report without telling the reason atleast. Being dumb at subjects but with an inquisitive mind I later came to know the meaning for that word in my intermediate when I first learnt how to read dictionary. After that I never stopped reading dictionary.

From that time onwards I was smitten and cursed by this letter F and was haunted by all of its words. To tell you few examples :

Recently I was at some party and I dropped my fork while eating a big lump of chapati and sabji. With food in my mouth I asked the serving waitress that I need a Fork. That perplexed waitress went and complained against me to the floor in-charge that I am using fowl language. I said FORK with mouthful of food. Whats wrong in that?

One more incident was way back in 2005 when I was in Stockholm before some extravaganza showroom. There was this big bill board with “FCUK” script being displayed. I thought it was a spelling mistake and asked the showroom manager why such a blunder. He showed his pity and educated me that it means “French Connection of United Kingdom” a notable designer brand. See this is what I am saying.

Another one goes with the recent pandemic that created havoc around he world. I was at the super market to buy some spices. Coz of the clustered aisle I sneezed. 4 people did two back flip somersault and landed away from me looking shit scared as if I forced them to a mouth to mouth respiration with me infected with Swine Flu. Come on..its just a normal Flu sneeze. Grrrrrr.

It was in Italy, standing before one monument where there are lots of short fountains shooting high up to the waist. All at floor level, no fence around and kids playing with water. While I was enjoying the scene, one kid bumped into me and pushed me unto the fountain. Instantly I wet my pants with that fountain water. As I turned around, one passer by lady said “the restroom is right over there and don’t teach stupid things to kids”. Though wetting myself over a Fountain might be my fantasy but not like this atleast. Oh come on..I hate F.

Because of all such chain of events all through I always kept myself away from all these F’actors. Like not watching my fav TV channel the FTV(okay except the midnight lingerie shows).. avoided Fountains..stopped using forks..stopped seeing 20th century FOX movies..and lot more.

When things are like this one of my friends invited me to his promotion party at this exotic lounge called “The F-bar”. I was thinking should I take chances or should I get used to this F’obia. I decided to go whatever. With some process running in my mind I was very careful all through enjoying the ambience and music. All of a sudden some gorgeous lady who is more heavy on the upper half of her body came to me and asked If I need a ^%$@&%$@…!! In that loud music and her western accent I couldn’t get what that something was and to my basic understand of English and its supported vocab I replied, “No no lady I don’t want any Frock. I don’t cross dress”. Immediately she called me a FOOL, showed me some F’inger and said FO. I still didn’t get what she meant by FO but all I know was she might be upset for not buying the Frock.

Thats how my life is as of now..and just yesterday night some Swami came in my dreams as said this will be broken on First night. I questioned him “Swami, recently Jan 1st got over and which month’s 1st night please tell me? That Swami screamed for my question and he also said FO and showed some finger. I think it is the finger he showed couldn’t make in that dream properly. Anyways me waiting for F’eb F’irst night. Pray for me.

Teacher : Charan tell me plural for lady?
Charan  : Plural for lady is Ladies teacher.
Teacher : Next. Pavan what is the plural for baby?
Pavan   : Babies teacher.
Teacher : Vijay now tell me what is the plural for party?
Vijay   : Parties teacher.
Teacher : Hey you Vineel, What is the plural for TEST?

Please share if any of your bone got TICKLED
Rating 4.50 out of 5

  22 Responses to “What the F”

  1. Hey V,
    You should meet me 🙂

  2. which way it is? is it only u who gets himself under bizard and humourous situations ..or is it that all B nd H situations land upon u…

  3. Atleast F for Friend would not have haunted you this way!!!

    • Yeah Mamatha..F for Friend always worked out the best for me.
      The problem comes when this F for friend is preceded by a G for Girl. Problem I mean for her not for me. 😛

  4. GOD…. great stuff dood…!! Simply Hilarious. keep writing 🙂

  5. what the FUN

  6. Non-English speaking Europeans always say Folks..donno why !
    Like in saying… Thats all F’olks..!

  7. Before giving my comment lemme just appreciate and congratulate for taking up an effort which provides mutual entertainment to you and the blog readers..,i wish you to have a great success ahead 🙂

    Now speaking about this post..,WOWsome and i could clearly see V in this post and also i really feel sorry for you,you couldn’t give a frock to a poor lady in F-Bar.., 😉 hope you have a better Luck next time.. 😉

  8. Good one Vineel, super timing… Inka ilaantivi chanaa rayali..

  9. =)) Vah Vah…

    if plural form of TEST is TESTIS :O …

    then what would be the plural form for BEST ? i think “BESTIS” .

    Feb First has two “F”s .means double trouble.
    i think V have to pray twice for u on that day 🙂 .

    jeevitham chinnadhi anukunnanu. intha chinna jeevitham lo inni experiences a?

  10. keep them (blogs) coming.. And don’t be waiting for that F’irst night.

    you should post some of your one liners and jokes..

  11. I remembered my school days of seeing my name on walls with F’s along. I did a little lookup in the dictionary but was disappointed. But some of the senior girls were bold enuf to graphically demonstrate the meaning.. Good times huh! Thanx for bringing back those memories…
    And also I saw FCUK T-Shirts in London Heathrow airport and I thot it was designers creative way of misspelling it.. now I know they weren’t!
    And I’m guessing Swami wasn’t talking about any month’s first night? He meant your sweet first night.. he’s very naive so dont sweat it.

  12. hey V!! good job…! .. wil come back for more!! you should not stop writing!!

  13. From where all does it come from???
    “Vizard’s theory of Relativity” ;P

  14. ‘F’antastic, ‘F’abulous,’F’antabulous 🙂

  15. Hello Vizard babu,

    Simply F’antastic… 🙂

    And f’ingliy hilarious and naughty.

    Don’t know you knew it, virtually I was besides you in F-bar, weighing her heaviness through the scale f’it behind my blink.
    How about your school teacher Ms Rani, was she a nun to f’ail you. 🙂

    I am wondering about the sense of Italian lady, who wasn’t sure about f’orce of water oozing out either from f’ountains or somewhere else.
    I wish you will have many more nights with enjoyable F’un, not only F’eb but all months of F’un f’illed years.

    Please F’eed more such F’ingly best stuff. 🙂

    waiting F’orever then…

  16. hahahahahahahahaah…………..i have started my day with your ‘F’abulous post…………my day will be ‘F’rocking………..

    i liked those FCUK brand and F-Bar sequence……………….oh u really dont know wat FO means right?hahahahahahahaha………joke ‘F’o……..oops OF the day……

    keep posting such crazy experiences vineel………

  17. Brather…..I was laFFing for the F-irst joke in classroom.. not knowing what would be my Fate as i read Further..
    By the time i reached the last jokes..I almost got exhausted of lauFFing.
    This post of urs was soo different from wat i expected and wat i have been seeing and hearing from u. Fu%$%.. it was just awesome short narration.. I dont want to mention any few witty sentences here and make the other retorts inferior.. Every sentence is studded like a jewel in crown.
    Awating to see many more such things from u…
    Dont just Fu**ing resist or restrict ur Sex-of-humor and let out all ur feelings as RAW as it first strikes into ur mind..

    As am not wearing HAT now.. Ba**s off for ur Fost..sorry Post 😛

  18. oohahhaa…!!
    frivolous feelings u experienced…!! cant stop laughing…
    especially for the lady at f-bar lounge and swami in your dreams…!!

    oohahaa… oh V.. live long…!! F’ullest 😉

  19. What D F 😛

    this will be broken on First night

    Sure it will be *wink* 😛

    as if I forced them to a mouth to mouth respiration with me infected with Swine Flu.:D

    I know people become Oversmart at times.:P

    iam very particular of applying hand stainer when i go to hospitals :D.as if iam applying moisturizer .

    Anyways me waiting for F’eb F’irst night. Pray for me.

    Sure will pray for u :).

    Next time I should be careful while using F words with u 😛

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>