Disclaimer : I hate giving disclaimers but this one sure needs one. Don’t take me as judgmental but want to bring some of my observations that has left me with no reasonable answer as WHY..Yes of course regarding my most favorite race of people called WOMEN.

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The very nature of girls is so fascinating that made me to have an extra pair of eyes for anything they do and be. Out of this fascination comes some frustration leaving me clueless for the things they tell and do at times.

There was this well educated girl, a university topper of her college and an accomplished career. Once I was talking with her and the conversation went like this:
She : Tomorrow is my interview I am tensed.
Me  : Thats normal we all undergo that so how did you prepare?
She : I prepared well but I want my friends Kittu and Viggu help me for this. They always help me whenever I am low and need help. They are always with me. Am so close to them. They love me so much. My bestest friends, they are sooooo chweeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Muah muah muah to them.

Me knowing all her friends list was at confuse as how come I missed these two. I ran through my memory if I missed these two people. I even went along the pet list she once said to me if any animal is intelligent enough to help her in her interview but in vain. Feeling bad about my memory power I asked how come you didn’t tell me about them. She said oh come on as if you dunno them..every one knows them and she hung up the phone. I didn’t get sleep that day and checked her Facebook, Orkut and every where possible if I missed any of her gang of friends. Next day unable to bear the curiosity I called her and asked who are they? She said Lord Krishna and Lord Ganesha. Gwadddddddd….dont ask me how I felt to hear this.

This below one is the most unexplainable thing in my entire career of being in IT industry.
Some one please explain me this:
Almost all the Southie girls have this extreme addiction to back strap sandals. Whether you are in Saree, Chudidhar, Jeans(With altered length below, of course), Ghagra choli, Bikini or a Lingerie they would be wearing this exclusive belt sandals on their feet. One pair goes with everything. Why God Why this torture? Is it that we people don’t know that there are 1000s of varieties of sandals or are we poor or we don’t care or its just creature comfort?

Guys I bet, from now onwards in your office or in any shopping malls or cinema theaters just have a look at the feet of girls and 80% you will see them in this Belt sandals made from Bata or Lotto or some local brand. If you don’t see that call that day as your lucky day.

This is another insulting thing to all those developers and architects around the world who brought the state of art of telephony to the stage we are in. This foolish act again can be seen with many of the people in IT industry. Girls especially. She would be having some Blackberry or some latest Touch screen gadget and its the way of speaking that makes my brain become a camphor and get burnt in seconds. They hold the phone in their hand as if you are holding a Walkie Talkie and speak into the mouth piece. Immediately they move the hand to their ear to hear what the other person is saying. This ‘reverse C-section’ movement continues all through till the call ends. Why cant we have a simple understanding that these devices are so advanced that they can catch the voice signals even if your face is as big as a pumpkin. God gimme a break..!!

Some more collection of impromptu lines I heard from this set of people :

1) This was on an internal chat messenger :
She : U open the zip n wait 4 me I ‘ b thr in a sex..
She : oops sec*, X and C are side by side…chorry..
( She wants me to unzip some file and wait for her)
( After few secs…Damn..here comes the libido kicker..)
She : Hold on..I’m cumming..
( There I was like a Jack ass sitting with my legs crossed waiting for her.. )

2) Was speaking to this innocent cutie and asked, what her hobbies are?
She said TV TV TV TV. I just love TV. I see anything that comes on TV. TV is my best friend and I cant survive without TV. She said all about TV so much I though she should get married to some TV and she makes love to that and make portable TVs that eventually grow up into some 3D HD plasma TVs..! She asked me do I watch TV. I said yes to watch F1. She asked what is F1. I said Formula 1. She asked me if it comes in Star plus or Zee TV..?? I was like …^*^#*&$*#%*&$(&;…!! F1 F1 F1 F1…helppppppppppppp…….!!

3) She is from TamilNadu and said she doesn’t drink Coffee coz that makes her become dark and brown. ( Now I know why I am so brown..!! Phew..!! )

4) Some weekend another intelligent girl has washed her clothes and put them for drying. And it rained that day night. Next day at lunch she was telling, “My panties still wet, dunno what to do ya..”..Before I jumped to say I can be of much help to her, I just realized that the word panties is in fact two words “pant is”.

5) On the similar lines to the above point, there was this another ritual we used to follow in my previous company. Everyday we write some proverb as ‘Thought for the day’. That day this girl form Delhi wrote as “Pen is mightier than a sword”. Because of spacing problem between the first two words, that proverb meaning indeed made a real thought for THAT day..! Lol..!

What so ever the deeds and being these girls are, its for this nature we should adore them and thank each one of them for their perennial entertainment they have been giving. Hail them..!

Please share and give me your thoughts in the comments section…

Recently I had a dream. I was dead and I was at St. Peters gates. The entrance where you will be sent to Hell or Heaven depending on how much and what kind of FUN you had in your life. The whole place is as white as possible. All kinds of angels in transparent dresses, along with their playboy bunny clips. Nice seducing music as if they are playing “Principles of Lust” song of Enigma repeatedly since ages. The angels are in the best of their powder puffed pink skin, clad in as skimpy dresses as possible and I feel they all should be suffering from lower back problems for their endowment. GODs must be crazy I say. Seeing them I realized why we call someone whoz gorgeous as an ANGEL. Near the Pearly gates I saw people are being interviewed and anyone who has small chances of getting into Heaven are filtered by the answers they give at that entrance gate. I was excited, for my final luck and waited for my turn.

Suddenly one chubby angel appeared from no where with a pen and a paper. She said, “Hey YOU…isn’t your name VIZARD”..? I nodded as YES. Being a chivalrous guy I asked her, “Who are you mam”? She showed the small name tag which was placed over her décolleté with word “PRESS” inscribed on. I was like WOW..(reminded me of Pronothi Mukherjee..guys hope you remember her from my previous post )these angels sure knows how to treat their customers. Alas my thought was killed when she said she is angels’ journalist and a “PRESS” reporter. She takes interviews with people in random, for her internship thesis it seems. She got my history from her LAPTOP and the rapid fire Qs went on like this.

Angel(A) : Answer my Qs straight and even if you want to lie you cant and we let you speak only the truth and nothing but the truth.
Vizard(V) : Yes, beautifull.  ( OOps..And I bit my tongue for my reflex answer.)

A : (Confused with my answer) Okay select one topic from these four options.
1) Quantum Physics 2) Financial management 3) Para-psychology 4) Women
V : WOMEN.

A : Why did you select this topic?
V : I like always love complex things. Its the only complex topic of all these four.

A : Do you like them?
V : Like is a substantial word. I just  love them so much. I am a feminist. In fact if I am a woman I would be a lesbian.

A : Hmm…Any reason for this obsession?
V : Its not an obsession its the NAKED fact.

A : Can you tell us that Fact, keeping the Naked part aside.
V : They are the indirect rulers of this hole world. And I like Power to take into my hands.

A : Ohkay…So which half of women do you prefer to have for your self.
V : The front half.

A : Shed some light on the difference between a Gurl and a Woman.
V : Gurl has all things less in size comparative to a woman. I am talking in terms of brains and maturity factor. This is the main diff.

A : What is that you look in a women?
V : Beauty and BRAins.

A : Ever danced with a women?
V : Yes, horizontally.

A : Tell some more most sexiest words you ever heard apart from Women
V : Lady, Girl, Female..etc etc.

A : What is the best way to read a women?
V : Through Braille language. Touch and Try.

A : I keep hearing this quote that says, “All MEN are DOGS”. Why so?
V : Coz they are honest, they love LICKING…and its a STYLE.

A : Which temple you loved the best in your life?
V : Khajuraho temple.

A : Just tell me in two words your opinion about sex.
V : Yes, please.

A : Whats your favorite color code for dress for a woman?
V : Transparent.

A : To which number do you associate the word WOMEN and why?
V : Number 8. That is the shape of a woman and that is how a woman should be. Thin at the waist and..

( Angel blushing and interrupting…) OOOOOOOk I get it.

A : What kind of animals you like..and Why..?
V : Mammals..and Why means..

(Interrupting me again..huh…)

A : …Ok Ok….no need to explain I can understand…next Q, Have u ever lied?
V : YES, I didn’t.

A : Do you believe in GOOD LUCK?
V : Of course who wouldn’t…ohh by the way you said LUCK..oops..sorry I heard it as something else. Nope..I don’t believe in LUCK factor.

A : Then how are you expecting to get into Heaven?
V : Nope I am not expecting anything. Where ever I am its heaVen for me..if its not I can make one for my own.

A : Appreciating your boldness and your chivalry. Best place is that you be back to Earth and help and make all those women live their life happily ever after.
V : Appreciating your EVERYTHING, thank u mam and hope to mate you soon..err..I mean meet me if you please..soon some day some way.
A : Will be looking for..take your own time. BLESS YOU Mister.

With this I woke up from my dream and felt myself as if I got Enlightened in BED…awww..!! Believe me readers if we take statistics, I feel BED is the only place where almost each one of us would have had our share of enlightenment and happiness. The place that transforms us, makes us grow think and be matured. Now write about your enlightenment just in case if you had one in your BED..and share your thoughts in the comment section.

I just love my BED thats where I do the BEST of my works…!!

By the way read the comments and my replies. And if you have given your comment come back and check for my reply. This will double amuse you.